Friendships, Connections and Self-support
It’s not always easy to connect with others or to make new friends in the middle years of life.
This concern, along with a theme of being overly busy, yet feeling socially isolated, is currently being raised by many of my clients.
I know from working with a range of women that this sense of isolation is in part due to the rigorous demands of the multiple roles they have at work and at home.
Mother, partner, mentor, manager, counsellor, coach, cook, taxi, social organiser…. Does this sound familiar?
The Women's Health Survey 2018 spoke to 15,000 women from across Australia and found that 66.9% of women felt nervous, anxious or on edge on several days or more in the past month. That 46.1% reported a doctor or a psychologist had diagnosed them with depression or anxiety and that 34.3% reported that they didn't get time to themselves on a weekly basis.
Women, take note, that only servicing functional/task oriented relationships is not enough for our health. Meaningful connections with other people are as essential to our health as the air we breathe.
With this in mind, last month on a rather wet and windy Thursday I set out to meet a group of women for a meal in Melbourne’s inner-city suburb of Richmond.
There were so many reasons not to go, so many very real obstacles that that stood in my path. The weather was forbidding, the qualifying football finals meant the traffic was horrendous, and like the others, I had to navigate the usual pressures of work and family life… But one by one we arrived and joined the roundtable.
Amongst us was a writer, a family lawyer, a professor, a PhD candidate and me, a performance coach. We all share a love of ideas, and boy can we can talk!
Our conversation topics move from politics to books, to recipe swapping, current affairs, climate change, to fashion, to work stresses and strains…all with a fury and a pace that is hard to imagine. We are agile and opinionated thinkers, we have a lot to share and we enjoy doing so.
As a group we have only pulled together over the past 12 months. We were not entirely strangers; we’ve each been close with at least one other in the group and over the years have heard stories about the other various women, friends of friends, and how their lives are growing and changing, and over time our curiosity was piqued.
And so we decided to take the plunge and meet - and hence our new ‘book club’ was born, but let me tell you, very little reading has been done! We have talked, we have listened, we have found common ground, and we have bonded. Over wine, and food, and laughter, and yes a few tears too.
My experience as a Coach means I see daily (in fact, many times in a day) how impactful human connection or lack thereof is on people’s lives and wellbeing. The impact of words of love, or bullying or lack of words affect us all.
In 2016, I ran a 12-month experiential course called The Connection Series with my colleague and bosom buddy Marcella Russo. In the course, we looked at reconnecting with ourselves, through a series of exercises and inquiry and then we focused on the ways that this improved sense of self, enabled richer and more fulfilling connections with others, in all aspects of our lives. It was an incredible course which I am proud to say, through the feedback we received, changed lives. Sharing experiences helps us find new perspectives and reminds us that we do not have to carry emotional burdens alone.
In my ‘book-club” I’m a participant, not a leader, and I am so glad to just be present and to let the combined wisdom of this group support me.
As a Coach, I need to be mindful of facilitating connections where I'm able to be supported, where I am safe to be vulnerable and to allow others to offer me insights and their own thought leadership.
All of us need to foster support systems. So, I encourage you to lean into your networks, or to take a calculated risk and to make new ones, and to facilitate the well-being we get when we spend time and shared experiences with trusted and valued individuals.
Until next time,
Clair