Managing Anxiety in Our Children

As many of you know, I’ve been working with anxious children and their families for many years now - supporting people to manage and master challenging emotions is at the heart of my practice.

The key to understanding and dealing with anxiety is accepting that anxiety is only a problem when it impairs functioning and presents itself in the wrong situations, or in the wrong amount. 

Unfortunately, as reported by Beyond Blue, half of all lifelong mental health problems begin before the age of 14. And, as children experience all of the emotions that adults do, with less cognitive and problem-solving ability due to their lack of neurological development, this means anxiety can arise pretty easily. Today one in five children in Australia suffer from anxiety.

As a kinesiologist, I use a combination of Brian Gym’s Gritty Problem Solving processes, Role Play, Guided Visualisation and Essence Therapy to help children solve their problems, deal with their anxiety and to build resilience when experiencing this natural and at times beneficial emotion, with great results.

Last week, I attended “Calming Today’s Anxious Kids 0-12”  and I wanted to share some of the positive and helpful insights from the conference experts, including the highly regarded parenting experts Dr Kaylene Henderson (child psychiatrist) and Maggie Dent (parenting expert & author) that resonated with my years of experience as a kinesiologist working with anxious children.

The following influences often underlie anxiety:

-Temperament
-Genetic predisposition
-Anxiety can be learned from behaviour modelled by adults.
-Life Events (disruption/trauma etc).
-Other conditions such as Autism Spectrum Disorder can influence and co-factor in anxiety 

And these are some of the best ways to manage anxiety in growing children:

Normalise it
Anxiety is normal! Yes, and it can be helpful too. Talk with your children about the positives of anxiety (a bit of angst helps you get things done; perform better; save yourself from danger).  Let this discussion be part of your day-to-day life.

It’s temporary
A healthy dose of anxiety is short lived and a normal response to events. Remind them that it will pass and good feelings will return.

 Modelling behaviour
Model your own anxiety. Let them know if and when you are anxious, and what you have done to soothe and support yourself. Normalising this emotional state builds your children’s resilience in managing their own.

Helpful thinking styles
Children need to learn that they are influenced by their thoughts, in both helpful and unhelpful ways. Teaching them to reframe their thinking to the positive, is a key way adults can help them.

Slow it down
Anxiety is catchy. If you are tired and frazzled from a long day, let the children know, and then take a moment for yourself when you get home to put your feet up or have a cup of tea. They will benefit from this excellent modelling in the long term, and have a more relaxed mummy or daddy for the evening!

Mindfulness
Teach your children mindfulness skills such as deep/colour breathing, muscle relaxation, guided or sound meditation, aromatherapy. These are all great anxiety busters, and children develop a tool kit of skills they can rely upon to self soothe.

Secure adult relationships
Children benefit enormously from a secure, trusting and calm relationship with their primary adult carers. This protects them against anxiety and supports them in the moments that they do experience it.  Spend quality time with your children.

Develop Resilience
Emotional resilience is not an inherited or temperament trait – it is a learned one. So help your child by letting them be uncomfortable, by experiencing life’s ups and downs, by dealing with disappointment and frustration, and recognising that they will survive these! Perseverance and giving things a go even when they are hard, might feel bad but they pay off big time in terms of courage, determination and resilience.

Seek Help
If, despite all of your best efforts, your child is distressed don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Early intervention is most fruitful. Sometimes medication is beneficial and should not be discounted in anxiety management.  

As a mother of a 10-year-old (as well as two teenagers) I came away from the day with helpful reminders about how to encourage and soothe my own children, and that the quality of parental attention is perhaps more important than the quantity.

We are all busy, life is pretty chaotic in most families, but if you can give your anxious child some calm and considered, quality attention -  even just a fully focused minute - huge benefits arise for all concerned. 

Having fun with our children is one of the best types of modelling we can do. Showing your kids how to leave their worries behind and enjoy the moment is powerful. Play is a great anxiety buster for children and adults alike. Find ways to incorporate this into your day to day life, try and make simple and routine tasks fun. 

Finally, but hugely importantly, building confidence and capability in our children is the best antidote to anxiety. Encourage them to try everything, take risks, and come back to you for reassurance and encouragement when things don’t go to plan. Overprotecting them is not helpful for them or for you in the long term.

We cannot live their lives for them, but we can certainly model and teach them ways of thinking and being that are helpful in setting up life-long good habits for optimal health and wellbeing.

We are all always learning! Please feel free to pass this onto friends and family who might be interested in reading and learning about ways to manage anxiety in their family..

If you have an anxious child and would like to make an appointment please contact me on clair@clairturner.com.au I look forward to catching up soon.

Clair