Leading with Vulnerability and Authority
Ester Perel’s ‘Where Do We Begin?’ baord game.
This week I am back to work! I welcomed 2023 in Sydney with gorgeous friends, fireworks at a local park and a game of “Where Should We Begin?” by the truly inspirational Esther Perel.
What a magical game – designed to encourage vulnerability and sharing – in a structured and non-threatening way. And how fascinating it was to watch who can step into that space with ease. Who is brave? Who is guarded?
Amongst good friends, stories told, secrets were shared, laughter was had, and some poignant regrets aired too. It created a wonderful atmosphere of reflection and openness to the possibilities of the new year. And, after 3 years of constraint, of limited options, of uncertainty and challenges (aka living in Melbourne). I am just raring to go! Working as a professional coach across the various stages of lock-down, I spent literally hundreds of hours listening to the immense challenges faced by leaders across a variety of sectors.
One of the things that really stood out to me in my coaching work was that the voice of leadership in Australia changed fundamentally over this time. That embracing vulnerability, and dealing with uncertainty as it emerged alongside direct reports and colleagues; that ‘learning, whilst leading’, became the norm.
What became clear is that vulnerability, transparency, and openness sit at the center of contemporary leadership. And that when paired with action and integrity it is a style that works and is respected.
So how does a leader be these things and maintain their leadership authority? Especially when dealing with conflict?
During times of change, be fully present to it. Embrace it with curiosity (and confidence if you can). This bravery sets the tone, models helpful behaviour, and keeps us open to all types of approaches and solutions.
Be authentically transparent . When facing change or uncertainty that is scary or difficult, name it. This levels the playing field between the leader and the team and will ultimately support the team to pull together, to find solutions, and keep working well in difficult times.
Vulnerability is a superpower. The best leaders I worked with during the pandemic did not shy away from their own vulnerability, or the vulnerability in others. They made space, they listened, and empathised, and once that was done, they attended to business. Without a well-functioning team you have an under-performing business.
Be human. Leaders are allowed to be vulnerable too. We can all be knocked off our perch by life events or have our world view soured by terrible things in the global or political realm. But in addition to vulnerability it is imperative for leaders to a have a tolerance for ambiguity and change. Leaders must be wise in what or how they chose to share and practice using their leadership muscle to respond and recover from challenges with vision, decisiveness, move forward with strength and determination.
Rethink your leadership role. Whether you are a sports coach, an army officer or a school principal, being a leader is about caring for the people you lead as much as it is for measurable outcomes for your organisation. Listen to your team. Listen deeply and consider also not what people are saying, but why - what is behind their words or ther actions. People first, always. Remind yourself of this often, especially when the needs of your people are high.
Role responsibility can be heavy. Ensure you have collegiate relationships with those who share authority and responsibility and speak freely about the challenges you face. Leadership can be lonely, and it’s important to mindfully seek out support when you do need to unburden yourself or test solutions with those who have already walked the road.
Leadership is ultimately about service to a bigger cause. A good leader takes time, shares compassionately, can be vulnerable with others, but has an eye on important future goals even in the toughest of moments.
Use your leadership skills and knowledge to inspire, to uplift, and to guide the thinking of others. This does not mean that you are impervious to the difficulties, but that the leadership experience places you in a unique position to redirect thinking towards successful outcomes.
And as we return to a more normal run of everyday events, but still a world of grave uncertainty and volatility around political regimes, climate distress, and news of likely recession – leaders need to find that delicate position between vulnerability and stoicism.
I strongly believe we need to take with us the humanistic lessons that we gained from the pandemic experience – more time for listening and with greater empathy, being curious and encouraging rather than critical or controlling, and facing uncertainty with accountability, courage and care.
As we all return to the office after our summer break I wish you all the best for the new work year. I hope you enjoy good health and success at home and in the office. Please drop a comment below on what you think makes a good leader in 2023. And get in touch if you would like discuss leadership training options in 2023.
Best wishes
Clair