Festive Season Separation

Research has revealed that there is a seasonal pattern to breakups. January is a busy month for family lawyers, who receive an influx of enquiries about separation and divorce, resulting from relationship breakdowns.

Somewhat ironically, deep dissatisfaction can reveal themselves during what many refer to as the ‘happiest time of the year’. The pressure of making merry memories can come at a big cost. Along with financial pressures, emotional demands can be exasperated by the presence of extended family and whether it is spoken out loud or not, the inevitable internal review we all do: evaluating what we have achieved, and what we still want to achieve on the road that lies ahead. 

Sadly, many relationships do not make it to the end of summer and resulting separations may be a huge shock for one party, and one of determined resolve for the other.

What is undoubtable is that separation from a life partner has enormous impact for all involved. Adults need to navigate new paths as individuals and parents need to learn how to co-parent and support their children in a new way. For some the separation will come with a secondary shock, when one partner reveals a new relationship or cut ties completely in a singular incisive decision.

However a major relationship breakup unfolds, it remains one of life’s most definitive and painful personal experiences.

But while conflict in close human relationships is inevitable, combat is optional. Separation and divorce done well is possible, and it is encouraging to see a mainstream shift towards a collaborative style of “uncoupling”, of relationship resolution and processes that support that within counselling and legal professions and the family courts.  

Research shows that after major life events such as divorce, it takes at least five years for people to return to the same level of happiness experienced prior to the event.

This is a long journey to go on but with the right approach and the right support individuals can emerge stronger and clearer, and yes, perhaps with a bit more emotional range! Life is a teacher, and we are all here to learn.

I have been through a divorce, and professionally I support others to navigate conflict and change in personal relationships, whether they be in the workplace or the home. As I plan for my summer holidays with my children experience has taught me to prep for a busy month in January as people face planned and unexpected new year challenges.

While it can be daunting to reach out for help, I encourage everyone to embrace the opportunity for personal growth and to face any difficult change as it occurs. Supporting, encouraging, and empathising deeply about the challenges as they arise is profoundly beneficial in navigating and managing the inevitable fear, anger, grief and confusion. It also helps individuals to continue to perform at work as they undergo tremendous personal transformation.

Best wishes for the year ahead, if the festive season brings you challenging or unwelcome change, know that you are not alone and that there is a network ready to assist you to pivot, plan and to achieve your 2023 goals.

If you find yourself needing support, I encourage you to work with a qualified coach or counsellor to help guide you through new emotional terrain and the important decisions you will face.

All the best, Clair

For immediate crisis support, please contact:

Lifeline: 13 11 14, www.lifeline.org.au or Beyond Blue Support Service: 1300 22 4636, www.beyondblue.org.au

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