Building community | my personal journey

This post continues our conversation about building a community, particularly after a life-altering event like divorce. I want to share the personal actions I took more than 10 years ago during my own divorce. This is for anyone navigating the intricate paths of family breakdown, separation, and especially for those of you with children.

The challenge of solo parenting

The departure from a shared life isn't just about parting ways with a partner—it often means losing connections with friends, family, and even coworkers. In my case, becoming a single and solo parent to three wonderful children was an unforeseen turning point. The balance between providing and caring became a daunting task, highlighting the fact that it would indeed take a village.

Choosing my circle of trust

When faced with the significant task of rebuilding, I carefully selected friends to form a caring community for my children and me. This choice was based on their capacity for non-judgment, strategic thinking, and genuine concern. They were calm, clear thinkers, offering stability in our world of uncertainty. Their support was not just about lending a hand; it was about providing a steady presence in our lives.

Vulnerability and support in action

I had to embrace vulnerability, letting these chosen few into the depths of our reality. I shared with them the complexities of my transition back to work and the children's needs as they faced significant life changes. The early days required navigating new routines, finding suitable childcare, and ensuring emotional stability for my kids during major educational transitions.

The impact of community

The support I received was essential and transformative. Coming home to a peaceful environment where my children were engaged and content provided a semblance of the family life we cherished. My chosen community, acting out of sheer love, extended their day to include us, enriching our lives beyond measure. Their involvement ranged from daily care to attending school events, epitomising the essence of communal support.

The relief of shared responsibility

This new family structure for us was a testament to the power of community. The immense relief of knowing my children were in caring, capable hands allowed me to focus on providing for us without constant worry. It was the closest replication of an intact family we could hope for during such turbulent times.

Reflection and growth

This experience underscored the importance of seeking help and building a supportive and positive network. The journey of single and solo parenting, especially post-divorce, illuminated the necessity of a diversified support system for both my children and me.

A message to you

If your path mirrors mine, remember, building a new community is not just a possibility—it's a vital step toward healing and growth. While opening up to new connections may push you out of your comfort zone, the rewards of mutual support and understanding are immeasurable.

I encourage you to assess your needs and those of your children, and begin weaving that essential fabric of community. Surround yourself with individuals who offer compassion, understanding, and respect. Remember, while the journey may be yours, the path need not be walked alone.

If my story has touched any chord in you, and you're seeking guidance on creating your support network, please reach out. There may be someone else in your world that is facing these challenges, so please share this post with them. Together, we can navigate this journey, embracing the beauty of human connection and the strength it brings.

In hope and support

Clair Turner